Why neighbour disputes sometimes need outside help
Most of us want to get along with the people next door. Even so, disagreements happen. A fence gets moved, noise becomes a regular problem, or something small spirals into something bigger.
Often these situations resolve themselves. Someone apologises, a compromise is reached, and life goes back to normal. But not always.
When talking directly has failed and the relationship has broken down, mediation can offer a way forward. It sits between doing nothing and going to court, and in the right circumstances, it can produce outcomes that neither alternative would achieve.
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Mediation is a structured conversation between you and your neighbour, guided by a trained third party. The mediator does not take sides or decide who is right. Their job is to help both of you talk through the problem and find a solution you can both live with.
Sessions usually take place at a neutral location, though some services now offer telephone or online mediation. Both parties must agree to take part. Discussions during mediation are generally treated as confidential and cannot usually be raised in court later, though exceptions exist where criminal activity is disclosed.
Mediation tends to work best when:
- Both sides are willing to talk but struggle to do so calmly
- The dispute has become personal and emotions are running high
- There has been a breakdown in communication
- You want to preserve some kind of relationship with your neighbour
- The issue is ongoing, such as noise, boundaries, or shared access
It may be less suitable where one party refuses to engage, or where the behaviour involved is criminal. In those cases, reporting to the police or council may be more appropriate.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
How to find a mediation service
Some local councils offer free or low cost community mediation services. Availability varies significantly across the UK, so check your council's website under community safety or housing to see what exists in your area.
Citizens Advice can help you find local mediation providers. They act as a referral service rather than offering mediation directly, but their guidance is free and available across the UK.
If you prefer to use a private mediator, look for someone registered with a body such as the Civil Mediation Council or the College of Mediators. These organisations set standards for training and practice. Private services may charge a fee, which is sometimes split between both parties.
Housing associations often have their own mediation arrangements for tenants, so it is worth checking with your landlord if you rent your home.
When mediation may not be enough
Mediation works well in many situations, but it has limits. If your neighbour refuses to take part, or if they agree but do not stick to what was decided, you may need to consider other steps.
For persistent antisocial behaviour, your council may be able to take action. This could include warning letters, community protection notices, or in serious cases, legal proceedings. If the behaviour amounts to harassment or a crime, the police can become involved.
Legal action through the courts is another option, though it can be slow, expensive, and stressful. Solicitors who specialise in neighbour disputes can advise on whether you have a case and what it might cost. Before going down this route, it helps to understand your legal position. Resources such as Citizens Advice, Shelter, or a free initial consultation with a solicitor can clarify where you stand and what to expect.
Whichever path you take, keeping records of incidents can strengthen your position. Dates, times, photographs, and any written communication may all prove useful later.
Not every dispute can be resolved through mediation. But where both sides are willing to try, it often produces something that legal action struggles to deliver: a workable agreement and, sometimes, a relationship that can still function.
I am in such a situation now, so have chosen to sell up. Unless the law is on your side you can't do anything. I am surrounded by rentals, feral families, and bums. Paying to leave the area is the better option, staying around just keeps the tension and only compounds the problem. With living environments you need to move to an area that best suits you, if you want quite you have to go as rural as possible. If you don't like feral kids, you need to move to a better area away from schools, play areas, and side streets. Opt for something along a busy main road. When buying check your neighbours before you make an offer.
Its said athunder clap is the loudest decibel noise, last time we had thunder storm, could see the lightning, but couldn't hear the thunder due to this noise .
They have masses of electrical equipment, have seen it when delivered, after reading and looking on the net, it must be controlled via smart phone, speakers etc, so they must have set when I come in the noise of opening my door or turning the tap on sets it going louder. They also have it so others can't hear it.
At one time they attached the door intercom with mine, so have disconnected mine.
Am about at breaking point.
Council and police don't want to know.
So am going to ask my solicitor for help.
Could go on but enough said.
Hordes of people are moving here from London mostly from flats ,and want to make it like the town .
We have a male who see himself as a vigilante. He will verbally assault WOMEN AND CHILDREN in the public park that borders the courtyard AND verbally assault any women alone. He also bangs on our wall for no reason.
He will not approach males at all but today, a female Pizza Delivery driver was abused in the courtyard for no reason. He was full on angry and swearing. My children are young and they are being subjected to his abuse as he lives next door.
We know his wife left him due to abuse. He goes to work in his 04 Vauxhall and when he returrns he will abuse any female in the area. He films women and children from his living room window and then states he is filming drug dealers. He is not.
We noticed something was odd when we moved into our three-storey Town House 5 years ago. We had a van parked outside our property and as he drove past he started shaking his head. He lives on the second floor and there is another neighbour on the third. Between the two flats, they have NO refuse or recycle bins between them outside their property. Yet we had six bins outside our. So we moved theirs back and it became a daily dance.
Today, we heard him abusing a female Pizza delivery Driver for parking in a bay that has nothing to do with him whatsoever. She was shaking and we invited her in to calm down.
We regularly hear him abusing people and when we investigate it is always a female or a child.
We have so many Reference Numbers from Herts Police its unreal.
He feels protected as the entrance to the two flats is midway in the carport, therefore he is somewhat isolated with a few feet of protection between the flat door and the car door.
If this male abuses my children on the way to or from school then I will do whatever it takes to eliminate the threat.
First off, the neighbor started digging up 'his' side of a shared rear access between his house and and partners house, basically halving the access - not knowing if the deeds of represented the land as a shared area or not, but he started to put posts in for fencing. When I approached him and asked him what he was doing, he said that he was erecting a fence between his property and my partners property...because he could , because it was on his property. Now forget me if I'm wrong, it's normal practice to approach your neighbor and talk about what your intentions are before you start digging up foundations. At no point did he come to see my partner (its her name on the deeds, not mine) so that was the first incident.
The second issue he has is that I built an outside bar, all within the regulations, and professionally installed a wood burner to use if I was out in the bar during cold weather - the install was all in spec with the regulations and modified accordingly to those regulations as the install progressed. Since them I have had a member from the environmental agency come round to ask me what wood I'm burning (all of it is seasoned wood), a representative from the local councils Building & Planning Dept checking over the install, I got a thumbs up for it as it was all in spec, and finally within the last day, a letter from HETAS Ltd asking me to have a registered installer confirm the installation meets building regulations and is safe to use! I'm an engineer, and would not do anything that would contravene health and safety - either my neighbor has got a personal vendetta against me and my partner, or has got nothing else to do but complain to the authorities because he hasn't got the backbone to speak to me face to face about his little issues he has.
I now feel that this kind of intimidation is starting to take its toll on both myself and my partner, we feel like prisoners locked in our own home and don't want to make any noise or use the bar in return of getting more letters from external authorities. Do I contact the Police and report this as harassment?
Many of the notes include complaints about us parking on a public road that happens to be outside her house we have been threatened with reporting the cars as abandoned, we have been told that we should be more neighbourly and everything was fine until we arrived in the road, we have been told that the next door neighbour but one’s daughter can't park outside her mother's house when she's visiting, because our cars are parked there.
When my son moved in during the pandemic because he had nowhere else to live, we were accused of breaking the rules, on the back of the fact that his car was parked in that place. We were actually isolating at the time as my husband had COVID.
When we arrived (June 2015) we had one dog - very soon after we had moved in she informed us that the dog was barking a lot during the daytime so we immediately acted on this and make sure that the dog was taken to doggie day care and eventually we brought a second dog which stopped the problem of the barking in the daytime.
Since the pandemic, the dogs seemed to be more unsettled in the evening when we are out and we have had several texts from her saying that they had been barking around 8:30 when we have been out. Subsequently, we have stopped leaving them past 8:30 and if we have to go out we always will take them to a dog minder. We even used to send her notes saying that we were out locally and we would come back if they were barking.
More recently she is now complaining that they are barking at 4:15 and she's trying to work from home. We have cameras and I have watched their behaviour - there is some intermittent barking between 4:15 and five o'clock when I always return from work but this is not constant. We have now done our best to change when the dogs are walked and hopefully she won't be hearing this anymore. One of the days this week, when we received a message from her, I had left the radio on in my bedroom which is directly next to her bedroom very, very loud. She would have been able to hear this very clearly through the walls as I am able to hear her TV when she has it on. Instead she chose to complain about some intermittent barking that probably lasted 20 minutes from the opposite corner of the house to where she is working.
In the time that we have lived here we have had three different sets of neighbours on the other side of us. I have checked and asked each one if the dogs are annoying them or if the noise is too much and all three families do not have any issues with the dogs barking or have even noticed the noise.
I might add that all these complaints are about the dogs barking inside the house, they are not left outside. They have a doggy door and they can come and go outside as they please.
I feel that whatever we do she will find something else to compla
Police suggested mediation separate rooms to resolve. The allegation he claimed to have a witness but the cctv I have tells a different account which I informed the police about.
Police said no further action and that when I asked if it would be disclosed either as a criminal record told no and any other information on enhanced dbs no.
Does this show up as I didn't do anything wrong and agreed the mediation merely because I want to move on and just want nothing to do with these people who have lived here 6 months but due to her drunknessess and abuse I now have severe depression am on anti depressants and my mother taking angina treatment.
A reply would be appreciated.
I took it to the Council to ask for mediation to sort out the problem. They have refused. I now, still the noise disturbance which affects my children and I.
I know the answer is to move away, believe me I would and have tried but have been let down by the council as they have said I’m suitably accommodated for my needs. I’m a single parent and private rent is out the question. I’m stuck in a situation where I don’t have anymore answers.
When authorities suggest 'mediation' and you tell them there is no point as you know it doesn't work then YOU are classed as the unreasonable ones. I wouldn't be surprised if mediation is just used as authorities just can't be bothered to do their job in the first place and see it as an easy option.
We've tried to communicate with our neighbour but she is ignoring us now. We contacted the council and they cant remove it.
We've had a look on all our records and we cant find anything about her rights of access, nothing on the land register or any other document we have in our possession. We sent her a letter explaining our view and requesting proof of her access, as well as inviting her to come over to sort it in a friendly way, but we are still being ignored. It's making me incredibly anxious, I'm not sleeping or eating and I just want this to be over. We've not blocked the access, we've not changed the locks, we've not been threatening, but we're being treated like we're the bad guys.
Please advise, thanks
Part of the patio is connected to the side of our property and has been built above our blue bricks. This would have caused the damp in our property.
We wish to take this matter forward and would be obliged if we could be advised how to deal with this situation.
I am perfectly aware of the laws regarding CCTV and filming in public/private premises. However my neighbors are aware of this too and is taking advantage of this grey area and filming us via camera phone whenever we leave our home and in the garden. We are aware that filming is beneficial for gathering some sort of evidence or for your own protection but my partner and I have never been in trouble by the council or police for causing any affray etc. Unlike our neibours who have just finished a years probation for anti social behaviour. We had more than enough evidence to have them on an eviction warning from council. We believe this video recording may be payback ? Police and council have just told us to keep records and my partner has actually filmed them back filming him ! It’s a nightmare which will never stop. We just want the filming us to end! nothing else! We even put up with her appalling screaming and shouting at her kids day in day out and canabis smell! We are very tolerant and just use earplugs. It’s the filming us that’s so awful, feels like an intrusive rape of our personal space. There’s got to be a way to stop this. Any helpful advice will be helpful
My parents were thinking of going down the file a complaint for harassment against him but are worried about this remaining on our property if they ever wish to sell and reducing value of the property. Does anyone have any advice/ information that could help with this issue?
Thanks
She got enforcement letter from her Housing Association to deal with the leak and she just ignored their letter as well. I tried to knock to her door to ask her whether she can let my plumber do the work and I will pay for the fix. But she did not want to even open the door for me to speak
I really dont know where I can look for help for this type of neighbor
When this dog died it was like heaven 3 years ago.....however they then got 2 small dogs with attachment issues (there words, not mine). who if left alone bark wine and wimper the whole time while they are alone. When I see them go out I am so anxious they have left the dogs because I literaly will have no respite from the noice, it can be heard all over my house.
I even taped the dogs on my ipone and everyone i play it to thought the dogs were in my house and not next door, thats how loud they are.
Aside from leaving them alone and them getting distressed, when they are in and someone walks past, posts something though the door or knock on they go metal....i really can not descript how ballistic they act. This can sometime happ 10-20 times a day or night. When the owners take them for walks very early in the morning they wine and yap all the way up the road.....disturbing everyone. But noone bothers to say to them, they tell me the dogs are a nucience and cant understand how i cope living next door.
We have been resonable and they appeared to care when we told them how bad they were when left alone, but have not stopped any of this from happending. I have got to the point that am shouting through the walls to shut the dogs up and more recently I have had a very verbal confrontaion where they believe I am unreasonable. (calling me a nutter and getting really personal.)
I have put my house up for sale , I was adviced as I had not reported this to the council then it is not a dispute. #I am at the end of my tether and feel upset anxious and stressed all the time. I don't know which way to turn.
Where do I get help before this gets out of hand?
I have been physically assaulted, verbally assaulted, racially and culturally assaulted, but the police have not been able to do anything, nor will my landlord, or my supported living environment.
I have told the police, I fear that the next time, I might end up in hospital or worse, they disagree. What would you propose?
Is a joke!!!
Keeping this very short, I have dates and times etc.
I have been harassed by my neighbour for years, for parking infront of my own driveway, they have called the police out 5 times in one year for things like parking infront of my own driveway, parking a camper van on my own driveway ect. list gose on like this, the police all 5 times said I'm doing nothing wrong, I've been attacked by my neighbour, which I have on CCTV police did nothing!!!
Your Rights Under the Protection From Harassment Act 1997
Is a joke!!! Is a joke!!! Is a joke!!!
how do I report a case of harassment proven on more than two occasions as well as article 8 of the human rights act ' a right to a private life' ? Enough is enough...........
Does anyone know of similar services available elsewhere in the country?
already she has been parking across onto my land because she struggles to park her car. I have used the 101 line and each time I'm told they cannot do anything
She has removed the front fence (the deeds to our houses say a fence must be up and maintained at all times) and built a double story extenstion right on the boundary line - which is fine. She has removed the front fence without consulting me - a man came and knocked on my door asking me to remove my car off my drive so he could take the fence down. She came out and told him she would put another one up but after nearly 5 months has not done so. Today I have come back home to find her and her husband running inside - they have put a line of loose bricks and some potted plants along the space but on my side not on the actual boundary line. I put them back and she and her husband came out and started to take them off her land and put them back on my land saying they will keep putting them on my land - very childish!
I told her she does not have a right to put her belongings on my land and that she needs to remove them but she refused.
Can I remove them? and if so what should I do with them? I was thinking of leaving them in my garage or leaving them on the street outside her house. She will continue to do this she said - what should I do?
We then got a wood burner installed in a new extension and this has somehow perpetuated issues. He started to complain about the smoke, we advised that we were burning correct fuel in a DEFRA approved stove. He then complained to the Council who we cooperated with at all times, they carried out an investigation, took video etc and advised in writing that everything was in order. We were advised that he had contacted the Council 9 times in total, the coucil advised us he was borderline harassment. My husband did go round when we got the first council letter but he was swore at and accused of mixing it!
Since then things have got worse. When his wife is out of the house, he bangs the kitchen doors repeatedly (we have seen him do this), jumps up and down the stairs repeatedly or bangs on the wall. We have kept a record of this as it is now becoming a sustatined and deliberate campaign, so far we have not acknowledged it.
He played loud rock music all day yestersay and last night this went on to midnight, followed by loud banging this morning and the usual jumping and down the stairs. The music being played deliberately from the bedroom so as to disturb me and my husband. His wife was away for the weekend.
Can someone advise me how we should deal with this person who seems intent on escalating this campaign of noise against us at every opportunity. I do feel mediation would not work with this person as he is extremely highly strung and unbalanced. I am not on speaking terms with his wife.
I have been living nextdoor to my neighbour in council accommodation for a year and a half, semi-detached, both houses are council. For the first six months, everything was great, he was really friendly. Then something changed, I don't know what, but he started consistently reporting me to the council saying I was making too much noise (which I don't, the council have agreed as much). It's now getting to a stage where I am afraid to go outside my property on my own, because he watches me all. the. time. Guests have noticed this, too, he does it almost covertly, but so I am aware he is doing it. He comes out in his garden, to do nothing but listen to any conversation I am having in mine. He's reported me twice for benefit fraud (which I am not committing) and I just genuinely don't know where to turn. He is really creeping me out, all this watching me - it's almost like he's stalking me. Will the police be able to do anything without evidence? I mean, can they go and talk to this guy and tell him to stop it? I don't want to bother them right now as I know they're pushed for resources as it is. I'm just so depressed at the whole situation.
I have Plansstating where boundary is we been to council and police
But no avail. The neighbour parks car on top of sewer
She has cctv camera looking at our property
And continously doing minor damage to property
We don't no which way to turn
I have a neighbour who has lived next door to us for 8 years. She is a Mother of about 44 with a Son in prison of 25, a daughter of 21 and a younger son of 18 at this present moment in time. Over the last 3 years I have started hearing the Daughter make snidy unpleasant remarks about my appearance such as saying I am really ugly. Since January 2014 she started saying nastier comments like gargoyle, Morlock and Gorilla. She then started saying Prostitute, Old scrubber about 4 months ago, I have also heard the word peadophile being used too. Lately, within the last 2 months I have heard the daughter say when an ambulance goes up the road, (we live on a dual carriageway) and it is a main run for ambulances and the police, things like, oh maybe Michelle's committed suicide, and when I am at home and have no T.V. on or music and I am alone I hear comments like, 'maybe she's killed herself. I was once on New year's Day coming down from the washing line back to the house heard the Daughter say, 'her mother should have aborted her. Now while it's freezing in February 2015 she is saying, I hope she dies of Hypothermia. It's beginning to really get to me and I what to know what I can do about it. I have written notes asking the Mother politely without outrightly accusing the Daughter, using words like I believe, not she is, of saying unpleasant things about me and I did mention her calling me a prostitute, the Mother has denied all this and says that her Daughter would never do such a thing, she also said her younger son doesn't live with her when he obviously does, I have heard him and seen him leave the house. (the younger son isn't a problem, infact I have heard him defend me and I am grateful to that.
we have had asb for 4 years and gone down every route possible-landlords,police etc.our family are targeted by what are supposed to be adults-what started as a complaint about noise nuisance from our direct neighbour has attracted attention from approx half a dozen other neighbours.
just 2 weeks ago a 'man' in his 40s even threaten to punch my wife in the face whilst she was holding our newborn baby!the police response? passed onto the community safety team.
we are a quiet family who keep ourselves to ourselves but seem to attract no end of trouble.
what answer is there for us?
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