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How to Deal With a Neighbour 'Stalking' You

By: Sarah Clark (ILEX) - Updated: 14 Dec 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Neighbour Stalking Stalker Harassment

Stalking by neighbours – or anyone, in fact – is one of those crimes that is often joked about, but can be very unnerving and at times even frightening. If you suspect that you are a victim of stalking, whether it’s a stranger or a neighbour, one of the main things to do is to try and keep calm. Stalkers and people who are out to harass others are often just looking for a reaction, and if you try to stay aloof and appear unconcerned, even if you are feeling anything but, they may lose interest and leave you alone.

Harassment covers pretty much all forms of unwanted behaviour, from mildly irritating to actual physical violence. Harassment can be a criminal offence and Laws Exist To Protect You . If the neighbour concerned is also watching or following you, making constant attempts to contact you or even sending you unwanted gifts, harassment becomes 'stalking'.

It may seem innocent at first – a neighbour seems to be a bit over friendly perhaps, and in all honesty, it could be a misunderstanding or a one-off. But if the strange or unwanted behaviour happens repeatedly (and repeatedly just means more than once) or you’re feeling distressed or frightened by the behaviour, trust your instincts. Stalking is a criminal offence so don’t blame yourself and don’t think that you have to put up with it, whether it’s a neighbour or a stranger.

Keep Hold of the Evidence

If things escalate, make sure that you keep a note of all incidents that you consider to be harassment or stalking and tell people, other neighbours, or your friends and relatives, what’s going on. You can enlist the help of willing neighbours who might be able to keep an eye out for the perpetrator – if they deliver anything, or are hanging around your property, for example.

If the person who is stalking you also uses text, email, or the post to get to you, you should keep evidence of these as they can be used if you need to take the matter up formally. Don’t be tempted to respond – that’s what the stalker wants you to do.

In addition to hard evidence, Keep A Diary Of Events, making sure that you note down anything suspicious, times, dates and events. Write down anything that your neighbour says or does that could be construed as stalking as soon as it happens, as only evidence that’s recorded ‘contemporaneously’ – that is, immediately – can be used in any future court proceedings if they become necessary.

Being Stalked on the Telephone

If part of your stalker’s campaign involves telephone calls, you should keep a record of dates and times of the calls and anything that was said. If the caller hasn’t disguised their number, make a note of that too, or if being stalked via a land line, try 1471 to see if they slip up and reveal their number.

BT may be able to help if the stalker has your landline number. Call the BT Nuisance Calls Bureau on 0800 661 441 if you are a BT customer. On your mobile, save any malicious text messages for evidence.

If You Feel in Danger

If you ever feel as if you are in imminent danger, call 999 straight away and don’t worry about feeling foolish if the threat later dissipates – it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Try to stay calm and not show any fear or emotion. Don’t lose your temper or attempt to confront your stalker, again, the bully is looking for a reaction, so you should try not to let them have what they are looking for, even if you’re angry or frightened. If you notice your stalker, try to get away from them and into a public area or into your or a friendly neighbour’s home.

If the harassment carries on, your only option is to Contact The Local Police.

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You will know the neigbors are stalkers if they have ever done any or all of the following: a: parked in front of your house leaving their own driveway free b: sat in their car outside your house for hours. c:put a spy cam in their passenger seat to film you intimately in your home d:followed you home The above are the standard MO of stalkers. If they: d:Floodlight your house and film you intimately in your bedroom e:Try to break in your property This level of stalking is extreme perversion. Remember that stalkers are without exception sick cowards who get aroused by their victim's disgust.If they have done any of the above, carry a personal alarm at all times.If they haven't they're probably not stalkers .
LeaveUsAlone - 14-Dec-17 @ 11:45 AM
My neighbor and her husband are stalking me in every shape way form possible. They are completely delusional and will stop at nothing to victimise me in my house. They will not leave me alone always calling me names Listening to me all the time watching me the list never ends with these people. I never want to see them again but am unfortunately going to have to.
Delusionalneighbors - 9-Dec-17 @ 11:43 PM
My husband has also been stalked by the neighbours and their repulsive, perverted associates. Recently a chronically obese woman dog-squatted in the street and started filming him as he put the rubbish out.He was horrified - it appeared she was about to open her bowels on the street.She used her child as a human shield while she filmed him - on his own property putting out his rubbish.This peeping tom should be placed on a sex offenders register.
AntiStalker - 9-Nov-17 @ 10:47 PM
We have the most disgusting stalkers in the form of next door neighbours.Throwing soiled sanitary products and filthy baby wipes onto our property, parking outside our house with a stupid rigged up camera/monitor, pointing through a gap in our bushes.They shine flood lights into our home to film us inside our house, trespass on our property in the middle of the night to bang on our doors.I've realised that the guy is a pervert who is obsessed with filming my husband.His stupid friends have followed my husband home on several occasions.We're never free of their constant, cowardly harassment and intimidation.The woman, who is morbidly obese, seems to run some kind of large person's club and their tellytubby friends park and congregate outside our house giggling -in some state of un-natural excitement.Never outside their own house. They are pathetic cowards - It seems that my husband and I provide their only entertainment.
Nomad10 - 9-Nov-17 @ 4:17 PM
In answer to the letter from the young girl j, it sounds as though your neighbour has narrccississ personality disorder. My neighbour acts the very same way as yours. Best advice is to totally ignore completely as they hate that. Also read up on narrccassit personality disorder, you'll be amazed at how these people live.
Ellie - 11-Oct-17 @ 11:54 AM
My neighbor, who I used to be really good friends with, has been harassing me for months. It all started when he caught feelings for me and I didn't. I noticed it escalated when I started seeing someone or had any males at my house. It started off as him stomping on his floor, being loud, blaring music and running up and down his stairs. Since then it has escalated to him vandalizing my car, my yard and even threatening me and my brother. My landlord has yet to do anything even though I made the problems aware to him months ago... I'm terrified to be home alone as well as go to the cops in fear of his reaction.
Mer - 9-Sep-17 @ 3:18 AM
To the lady who looks out of her window because of her anxiety do not look out of the window. It makes it worse. I know!! I am a female and have harassment, intimidation, bullying on a daily basis and it does not help you at all. I used to do what you do. I never look through the window anymore. It took me a while to break the habit but I have stopped doing it now.
happydays123 - 21-Aug-17 @ 2:58 PM
SophJonners - Your Question:
I have severe anxiety, and often look out of my window to be reassured I am safe. The only problem is, is that I rent a property, and my landlady's son and wife have moved in next door. I do not want them two seeing me staring out of the window, and reporting me to their mum, as I may get chucked out. HELP!!! What do I do???

Our Response:
You can't be evicted for looking out of the window, please try not to let your anxiety stand in the way of reason. Do you have any support at all, someone you can talk to about this?
ProblemNeighbours - 21-Aug-17 @ 1:42 PM
I have severe anxiety, and often look out of my window to be reassured I am safe. The only problem is, is that I rent a property, and my landlady's son and wife have moved in next door. I do not want them two seeing me staring out of the window, and reporting me to their mum, as I may get chucked out. HELP!!! What do I do???
SophJonners - 18-Aug-17 @ 9:08 AM
Ricky - Your Question:
Everytime I come home from school, training or whenever I sit on my bed near the bedroom window, this old man stares thru his window at me EVERY SINGLE TIME! And even right now he is and sometimes theres a old lady there, today he was gettin rude with me just cuz 4 balls have gone over and he threatened me and said he gonna tell the police so I started swearin back and finally he shut him mouth, but he kept starin at me thru the window I feel unsafe now any advise on what I shud do?

Our Response:
If you feel threatened at all, you should mention this to your local PCSO. They will be able to advise you on how to handle the situation.
ProblemNeighbours - 3-Aug-17 @ 11:14 AM
Everytime i come home from school, training or whenever i sit on my bed near the bedroom window, this old man stares thru his window at me EVERY SINGLE TIME! And even right now he is and sometimes theres a old lady there, today he was gettin rude with me just cuz 4 balls have gone over and he threatened me and said he gonna tell the police so i started swearin back and finally he shut him mouth, but he kept starin at me thru the window i feel unsafe now any advise on what i shud do?
Ricky - 31-Jul-17 @ 8:34 PM
I believe my neighbors are watchingfrom their front porch, through the cracks hein the curtains and blinds. I can hear them commenting on what I am doing. It happens daily. What should I do about this?
Scared - 9-Jul-17 @ 4:56 AM
My next door neighbour follows me down to the local shop, when I take my dog out and go into town for a walk round the shops. They always stay in their car. Raise their voices to make threats through the walls. A couple of weeks ago he broke my fence climbing onto my back garden. He has been doing it for years. After discussing with my father my intent to get back into employment one afternoon, he waited until my father had gone out and indirectly made threats when sitting outside that if I get a job where he cannot follow because it is too public he will start doing the same to my father whom I live with.I've never even spoken to him or met him but it started with a tonof council complaints and later progressedto where it is now. His behaviour has intensified over the past five months but it started when I was 14. I am now 27 and I'm worried.I just don't understand his motives or what he intends to achieveby making me scared to leave the house. What does a person like that even get out of it? What's worse is he is always laughing and joking with the neighbours that surround my house I don't know what to do.All the stalking advise sites indicate his behaviour is dangerous, but there is no clear solution.Also what annoys me alot of the advise is for ex lovers. My stalker is a married man in his forties who likes power games.
j - 29-May-17 @ 6:50 PM
How would you know if they're looking in if the blinds are closed? Maybe your posting in someone else's name....
Anne G - 23-May-17 @ 8:23 AM
Hi, Im afraid about my privacy. My neighbors directly looking in to my windows. I living in ground floor bud still Its wierd, even When my blinds are down they try to look inside.Im aftaid about stalking any advice please ?
Jacob - 22-May-17 @ 8:58 PM
Star - Your Question:
I've got problems with my neighbour. He started off by complaining to my Landlord about my dogs barking, the other neighbours dogs bark too.but we seem to be made the scapegoat. He's also complained to my Landlord about me watering my plants.yes it's true.!! Whenever I vacuum he bangs on the walls. He constantly stares into our windows.and I have even caught him staring into my 15 year old sons bedroom whenever his blind is up ?? He constantly drills/saws/hammers.all day.everyday.yet this is seemingly fine for him to do this. It seems to be one rule for him and different rules for us.ie.DO NOT EVEN BREATHEI've been here 3 years now and its not getting any better. Although my Landlord has been brilliant with us, he doesnt have to live like we do. Please advise ?? Thankyou.

Our Response:
Have you made a complaint about the neighbour's actions to your landlord? Can you landlord sending him a warning for "harassing" other tenants. Or is the neighbouring property not owned by the same landlord.
ProblemNeighbours - 22-May-17 @ 12:06 PM
Tiredofbeingstalked - I am in a similar situation. I also think itsracism, i am not a native English. Maybe this is why I dont get much help either. Every time i complain i get accused instead because the offender is liying and they believe him on the basis that he tells them he didnt do any harm to me. For example, he says that it is me who attacks and threatens him. Mind! I am a woman on my own in a not native country and he is native strong man. Any sense?I am afraif to complain now because do not want to get upset even more. To feel hopeless and knowing you are unprotected is the worst thing . If i could just drop here everything and go back to my homeland then i would have it done already. I cant at the moment. Its a slow torture. Why to let people into the country and then leave them with no protection.
Mari - 21-May-17 @ 1:01 PM
My neighbour stalking my visitors, sometimes at me when he hears my door opening. Comes out and stare at them. If they are men he asks them if they are my boyfriends. Mind, i am a private teacher and this scare my earnings off. Now he stuck CCTV on both sides and it points at my direction, i was already afraid to get out of the house every time and now even more. All this happens after 5 years of my complaints about dogs noises day and night and his threats. Now instead he hammers and drills every day for a few months, very often drills the wall that is at my side. Every time hecomes up with some new 'invention' to how annoy me. He is a simple bullier. Whenever I complain I am not taken seriously, i am on my own. WHEN some Strict law will come out? To protect good citizens from criminals like this one. It ruined 5 years of my life and who knows for how long it will continue. Law must be for protection of law obiding citizens and not the criminals. What is going on in UK?
Mari - 21-May-17 @ 12:47 PM
I've got problems with my neighbour. He started off by complaining to my Landlord about my dogs barking, the other neighbours dogs bark too...but we seem to be made the scapegoat. He's also complained to my Landlord about me watering my plants...yes it's true...!! Whenever I vacuum he bangs on the walls. He constantly stares into our windows...and i have even caught him staring into my 15 year old sons bedroom whenever his blind is up ?? He constantly drills/saws/hammers...all day...everyday....yet this is seemingly fine for him to do this. It seems to be one rule for him and different rules for us...ie...DO NOT EVEN BREATHE I've been here 3 years now and its not getting any better. Although my Landlord has been brilliant with us, he doesnt have to live like we do. Please advise ?? Thankyou.
Star - 19-May-17 @ 5:15 PM
miss - Your Question:
Sometimes the only way to stop the harrasment is to keep notes and report it. im currently being stalked by the neighbours - two males across the street moved in when I did. id walk into the backyard and they would talk about it, id walk into te front yard and theyd talk about me. things they would do and how theyd get away with it so I told them to buzz off in a manner of speaking. then I was followed to work my wifi hacked and ij the last 4 months ive been assualted 4 times. ill be moving soon.

Our Response:
You should report this sort of behaviour to the police as well though.
ProblemNeighbours - 3-May-17 @ 11:32 AM
sometimes the only way to stop the harrasment is to keep notes and report it.im currently being stalked by the neighbours- two males across the street moved in when i did. id walk into the backyard and they would talk about it, id walk into te front yard and theyd talk about me. things they would do and how theyd get away with it so i told them to buzz off in a manner of speaking. then i was followed to work my wifi hacked and ij the last 4 months ive been assualted 4 times. ill be moving soon.
miss - 2-May-17 @ 4:23 PM
Me and my boyfriend have lived at a private rented property 3 years now. From day one the neighbour has progressed in her strange, intimaidataing behaviour towards us. She started out having a go literally eithon the first month we moved in there was an incident where she was quite rude to both me and my mum. Since then she has popped notes through out door at around 6 month intervals which are really nasty mainly about noise. We have not retaliated or written back, we have simply tried to be as quiet and respectful as we can but have felt quite intimidated by it all. she often bangs on the wall sometimes late at night when my boyf has gone to work and I am in the house alone. Then strange things have started happened like dead mice left in the garden, scratches on my car and items in the garden being moved. I was told by a neighbor that previously the gates that link the gardens had to be locked because she used to stare into people's houses. Many time as well as banging on walls I have bangs on the front door or in the garden. She has confronted us both many times, often drunk and also called the police on us for arguing/domestic incidents that she has just made up. Once we had literally just walked in the door and the police turned up claiming there was a complaint about noise! We explained we hadn't even been in when the complaint was made!! She even complains about me coughing when I have a cold!! Most recently I was in hospital for a week and went she came back she came round again with another note making all sorts of accusations about my boyfriend and told me to break up with him and that I should move out. I tried to act calmly and sent her away but I don't particularly want her on my property. I feel quite scared especially when my partner is at work at night. She seems unhinged and sometimes appears drunk. Her house is a state of disrepair, her fence is hanging off and there is rubbish all over her garden. We have never made a complaint about any of this but I wonder if other neighbors have and she thinks it's us? I have spoken to the police about her previously and reported the activity and shown the notes etc but it's so infrequent it's hard to build up a case. Just when we think she's settled down she kicks off again. The police offered mediation which we accepted but she refused. I feel like I am constantly living in fear. She has repeatedly told us she wants us to move, I have no idea why she hates us - she doesn't even know us! We don't want to move because we love the house and the village we are in, my parents are down the road and our neighbours on the other side are lovely. But after the last incident I am concerned this will just never end. I actually think she's not well mentally. Not sure what we can actually do. We don't want to antagonise her but at end of our tether. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
Lyns - 6-Dec-16 @ 9:30 PM
At the end of September my home was broken in two and only a few things were stolen it was determined my ex roomate and her current boyfriend were the culprits. Shortly after I started to hear people on the roof and see lights being shown into my windows. Come to find out my neighbors on all sides have banned together to attempt to gaslight me into thinking I have lost touch with reality. They pick on me the most and as of late have been terrorizing my 2 year old daughter shining these projection gadgets into her room or on the wall where she can see it. At first I was terrified and I admit I still get worked up about it, but now I am mama angrey. My daughter wont sleep in any of the bedrooms and only feels safe on the couch. My husband still believes me, but he hasn;t experienced the full effect like I have. The people follow me when I leave my home I have had them waiting for me when I leave my friends hoes and they shie projection lights into my face when possible. I have tried to ctach them on video, but I only had my cell and a babymonitor posted outside. The protejections are hardly visiable and since there are no physical bodies on the property they have gotten away and the local police of the hill billy backwoods town have repeatedly suggest I check out a counslor. I am going to see a counclor for the trauma, but not because I all of a sudden have completely lost my mind. Last week I recognized the femail voice I had been hearing from time to time and realixed it came from a woan I am not on goood terms with. She is griends with my neighbor directly to the right of me. The lots are spread out so my next neighbor is over an acre away. Behind our home is a trailer park and I have pin pointed the lights orgins to three locations. We finally setup a trail cam and more lights to illuminate the dark trees that surround the house. I am not sure what the U. S. Laws are in the state of Oregon, but I know they harrass my minor daughter in her bedroom and am wondering if ther are strictor regulations for that? I had my windows blacked out but that gave them the ablity to get close without being seen. Now my windows are wide open and they are not shy about where they are or the noises they make. Not sure where to go from here. I feel stuck. Friends and family all know what is happening and luckily I am supported, becasue I have never been like this even with some of the other traumas I have endured in my life. I am resilliant and a Lioness when it comes to my baby. Just want to harness this strength in the most effective way to take them all down! Please tell me who people get around gaslight situations and what are the legal rammifications I need to focus on? Thank you!
Strength is my spiri - 19-Nov-16 @ 2:59 PM
My life was destroyed when my husband sent me packing, after 13 years we have been together. I was lost and helpless after trying so many ways to my husband back to me. One day at work, I was distracted, not knowing that my boss called me, so he sat and asked me what it was all about, I told him and he smiled and said it was no problem. I never understood what he meant by it was no problem getting back my husband, he said he used a spell to get back his wife when she left him for another man, and now they are together till date and initially I was shocked hearing something from my boss. He gave me an email address of the Prophet Abuvia which helped him get his wife back, I never believed that this would work, but I had no choice coming into contact with the sayings that I get done, and he asked for my information and that my husband was able to propose to throw him the spell and I sent him the details, but after two days, my mother called me that my husband was pleading that he wants me back, I never believed, because it was just a dream and I had to rush off to my mother's place and to my greatest surprise, was kneeling my husband beg mefor forgiveness that he wants me and the child back home, when I gave prophet Abuvia a conversation regarding sudden change of my husband and he made clear to me that my husband will love me until the end of the world, that he will never leave for another woman. Now me and my husband is back together and started doing funny things he has not done before, he makes me happy and do what it is supposed to do as a man without nagging. Please if you need help of any kind need, please contact Prophet Abuvia for help. His email is prophet.abuvia AT g m a i l. c o m his website is prophetabuviasolutiontemple. webs. com
Sarahcoleman - 19-Sep-16 @ 11:15 PM
I have had two stalkers. The more recent one loved to let me know he was watching me without leaving proof for me to offer the police. As a result, I close my blinds at night and early in the evening. I can also be seen cracking my blinds and looking out for every strange noise. It's not for my neighbors, I am just afraid I am going to see him. So perhaps some of these neighbors that seem to be watching you are actually just being hypersensitive about their homes surroundings because of a similar situation where they live in fear. In that case, sorry neighbor that our kitchen windows are aligned, but Ima look out at night and that's that. Cuz if the wolf is there I am getting a picture of him for the police.
IsHeStillWatching? - 16-Sep-16 @ 2:51 PM
I have an nighboor whos in her 60s who waited when im not around and stock my autistic boyfriend at publix, it was on going until he told her that he heard strange things of her, (in other words he dont feel to right around her.) she told my autistic boy friend lies on me lol luckly he walks away thank god, rather then flip out. he new right their the nighboor was skeptical for approaching him.the nighboor tells her friends she watches people get out their car and watch every move they make, ect. She even mimics their conversation to others. What ever dirty job she dont do, she gets her 23 year old son to go to peoples homes and investigate why they dont talk to her anymore, when reality their just trying to stay away from her.(their afraid). She would also follow me and my autistic boyfriend around the nighboorhood in her van while we try to doodge it. I spoke to my counsiler, and she says maybe its jelousy she has with my (im 24) relationship i have with my boyfriend, with the stock, lies ect. People suggest shes the one going through my mail when im not around. People in the neighbhood wants to avoid her but she seems to find ways to get around that. Maybe jelousy is the link to a stocker maybe, just saying.
tia - 4-Sep-16 @ 4:20 AM
My mother has endured 10 years of living next door to a DIY fanatic.The wife is like a Rottweiler and we have both suffered verbal abuse.The husband has taken over the neighbourhood - he has signs saying private everywhere.They are loud, brash and aggressive.And all that we can hope for is that they eventually move.It is sooooo stressful for my mother and me.Why should we keep diaries, report their behaviour - that would just be something for them to feed off. Yes, bottom feeders that's what they are.
StressedOut - 24-Aug-16 @ 11:45 AM
GODZILLA - Your Question:
MY NIEGH BOR IS REAL OLD BAG SHE KEEPS PUTING NOTES IN MY LETTER BOX ABOUT THE STATE OF MY GARDEN WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP HER?

Our Response:
Is your garden very untidy? Maybe she feels very upset if it is and she has to live next door to it. Do you need help with your garden? Sometimes local voluntary groups will come and help if you need it.
ProblemNeighbours - 17-Aug-16 @ 10:30 AM
MY NIEGH BOR IS REAL OLD BAG SHE KEEPS PUTING NOTES IN MY LETTER BOX ABOUT THE STATE OF MY GARDEN WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP HER?
GODZILLA - 16-Aug-16 @ 11:04 AM
I met a woman at a local restaurant a few months ago after the father of my children left us. I didn't think anything about it until yesterday when found out she is one of my neighbors. She asked me to babysit her kids (we are strangers, I don't even know her name) and invited my children and I to meet her kids. Meeting her kids was a way to get me out of my house so that she could tell me that we were now dating, that she will make me a good wife, and to tell me that we would be sleeping together that night. I told her that I was not interested in any relationship at all because in the past six months I had been molested several times. She keeps telling me that sleeping with her will fix everything and that her girlfriend won't have to know. She came over tonight demanding to know where I had been all day and telling me that she would be back later to sleep with me. I am not interested in girls nor am I over the father of my children but that seems to make no difference to her. I have no idea what to do. I tried being polite but she just does not seem to understand no, no many how many times it's said or how it's said and I'm afraid she will take things further if I keep denying her. What do I do?
Sabrina - 14-Aug-16 @ 5:18 AM
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